Murder and Suffering of others - I actually enjoy it.

Discussion in 'Problemicus Anonymous' started by Psychopath, Apr 29, 2013.

  1. First time I used this for a problem. Someone here will recognise my style and connect the dots, but for this kind of problem, I prefer the safety of complete anonymity.

    It has been a couple of months since a certain incident, though it extends far back to the last couple of years. Gain friends. Lost friends. Gain them again. Lost them again. Lost a person I love. In fact, in the last couple of months, I pretty much lost everything in terms of contact. The people that I knew were all gone in some form. It has somewhat clouded my sanity and I just decided to let go. Take out my suffering on everyone else. As I started to become better after a few sessions of therapy, I got worse again and tried to commit suicide. Instead I was in the hospital.

    Again, recovering and as I thought to myself in the bed, I immediately came to the conclusion that what is the point of my suffering? Shouldn't I be getting better and move on? Correct, I should. But then as I become more and more in control of my sanity, I began to develop something. A desire to hurt others. A desire to see other people's suffering. I have been too nice myself and so caring to others. I kept getting burnt over and over again. It has got to a point that I thought to myself those who abuse the kindness of other should suffer. Should be punished.

    But you say this to me:

    "You have no right. What makes you think that you have a right?"

    Correct. I should not have a right. But yet... I feel that I do. As I look to others who murder and torture others without remorse, I feel disgusted. But as I watch how they act, why they act and what makes them that person, then I have respect for them. Murder and Torture is a hefty responsibility and chances are the majority will feel guilt. For some who feel no guilt, have the deepest admiration from me and do deserve a right to take away the right of others as they see fit. No one is special. Everyone is replaceable

    Why am I feeling like this? Well, because there are two people who I want to murder. I haven't had the guts to do it and chances are, I probably won't. It's a hefty responsibility that I am not ready to take upon. But the thought of it excites me. It makes me smile. If only I had the guts to do it. If only.

    Why am I writing this? Eh, to see the reaction of others. To write this all down and I want someone to read it. But I see murder as less a biggest crime to humanity, rather it's a responsibility only deserving to those who can take it upon themselves.
  2. Tev True Keyblade Wielder

    Why do I feel like I know exactly who you are? Like, the feeling in the pit of my stomach is telling me exactly who you are because I’ve known you for years. I don’t even know why I’m replying to any of this. Idk, maybe I feel like someone should. If you are who I think you are, then yes your style has been recognized.

    I’ll start off by saying that certain people come and go, but true friends remain forever. And by true friends, I mean the people that will put up with shit caused by you or they caused for you and will try to make the friendship work and not abandon one another for someone else. I don’t have many of the friends I had a few years ago, but I’m perfectly okay with that. Stuff happens, people mature and move on. In the end, we may only have a few close friends left to us. A lot of us are fortunate enough to have at least one. Though if you get upset over losing friends, you aren’t alone. We all do. You think I’m happy when someone I allow close to me suddenly leaves or turns on me for unknown reasons? Hell no. But sometimes things happen and it’s up to you to move on and make something for yourself.

    Suicide is the coward’s escape. I honestly feel that. People get hurt and abused every single day and a lot of them wake up the next morning and fight it and try to make things better. If they can do that, then yes you’re right, what is the point of your suffering? Losing friends? Feeling alone? We all go through that at some point in our lives. I’m sure you have other things going on in your life though, so don’t think that I’m coming down on you.

    I see you have the mentality that those that hurt you should be punished. Is that what you really want? Or is it that you don’t want to hurt anymore and hurting others is the only thing you can think of to make it right. I’ll tell you right now that you’re wrong. But I can’t tell you exactly why. That is something you’re going to have to figure out for yourself. A long time ago, I felt the same way about people. There were times I was getting hurt left and right and just wanted to die. One day, I snapped. I didn’t attempt suicide, but I did feel that everyone that hurt me should be punished. I even devised ways to make it look like an accident. Over time, I got over it and strove to make my life better. Honestly, I think you can do the same. I’m not going to say that you have no right to kill anyone; that would be a useless statement to make.

    You can respect murderers for not having a sense of guilt for what they did. I actually respect you for having the balls to have even made this post. Not a lot of people would put something like this in a place they know it would be condemned, so kudos to you. You say that there are two people you want to murder, but you can’t bring yourself to do it, that it makes you smile. Well, those kinds of thoughts made me smile too, once upon a time. You yearn to do it, but you can’t. You want them to feel your pain, but you can’t bring yourself to do it can you? Well, that is a path that only you can walk and only you can walk away from. It’s up to you what you do from this point on, and no one can make that choice for you.

    Why are you posting this? No, I don’t feel you’re posting this to see our reactions. Not just that anyway. You’re posting this because you have no one else you can confide in about it, to vent the pain you’re feeling right now. If you are who I think you are, you don’t write something down and share it for no reason. Then again I could be completely wrong in your identity. But just in case I’m right, I know that you’re going to come out of this like you usually do and look back on it and say something like “was I like THAT?”, laugh at it, and go about your life. And if you aren’t who I think you are, then I hope you’ll do that very action anyway. I think you posted this here to vent how you’re feeling, to reach out to someone in the hopes that they’ll help you in some way so that you don’t have to hurt, or at least to lower the pain somehow and help you move on in a way that therapy isn’t doing.

    As for everyone being replaceable, you don’t really think that. If you did, it wouldn’t bother you so much that people leave your life and you wouldn’t try so hard to get them back. You say you want to kill these two individuals, but you know you will never be able to get them back later on. You say no one is special, but the ones that have left you clearly were special to you. You don’t want to be alone, you don’t want to hurt. Others should feel the pain they inflicted on you. If they weren’t special and can be replaced, why is it bothering you? Why are you allowing yourself to let what someone else did shroud you in a cloud of darkness and control you?

    Get out of that cloud, stop letting what others do or say hurt you to a level of trying to take your life, stop wishing that pain on others, and continue to live your own life. You’re your own person and only you can dictate how your life goes. If you decide to kill someone, fine. But I don’t think that’s the sole reason you chose to type everything up today.

    And none of that was meant to be overly harsh or downplaying the situation, before anyone thinks it is. Sometimes a harsh reply helps, not babying the situation, especially something like this. Sorry for the double post, can't edit.
    Misuzu and Axizol like this.
  3. Twitchy Super Moderator | Hub Team Co-Leader | Storyteller

    You watch too much anime.

    That's not even tongue-in-cheek. If you are who I think you are, then we've talked about your state of emotions before. After reading this, all I can say is you don't take loss very well at all, actually extremely poorly, and instead of trying to deal with it you're simply pinning the blame of your inward sorrows (whatever they may be) on someone else instead of taking responsibility for your own emotions. You ever meet those people who take life falling apart with a smile on their face? There's nothing wrong with them, they've simply realized that happiness is internal. Placing your feelings and emotions on the actions of anything external (friends, girlfriend, objects, whatever) is stupid. That's all it is. And that's what you do (I don't blame you, like 95% of people do this) and that's what others do and quite frankly I'm tired of listening to you go on about your state of emotions and you're 2edgy4you attitude about shit like this.

    People treated you like shit and you're bitter. Get over it, and get over yourself.

    NOTE: If you are not who I think you, disregard.

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