Hmm what to do?

Discussion in 'Personal Forum' started by ShadowXIV, Sep 9, 2013.

  1. ShadowXIV Bookmaster

    Hey everyone,

    Haven't been on here in a long time, but I am in a difficult situation that I would like outside opinion on rather than my friend group. So...I tutor at the college I go to. This hasn't happened before, but I recently fell for one of the students that comes in. Since it's the beginning of the year I don't know her very well, but I would love to be able to since she seems very different than the standard party girl that I run into on a weekly basis here. The thing it inappropriate for me to ask her out? I was going to do it in a cute, cheesy, math way to not make it too awkward or serious, but my concern is: will this jeopardize my job? Or will it look too unprofessional? Will it put undue pressure on her? The tutor center I work for is "drop-by" so students can come and go as they please whenever they need help. Ugh, I don't know what to do, but...I kinda can't get her out of my head. What do you guys think? Thanks
  2. Dylan? Nobody Destroyer

    Shadow, there aren't many people here nowadays to answer questions with as much frequency or enthusiasm as you may want of us. A lot of us have relocated (, so going there will yield you quite a bit more response to this. But since I'm here.

    The thing is, you are in a perfect position to get to know this girl without it coming across as trying too hard. A lot of guys walk across campus, or through a crowded hallway, and see the girl they have that unexplained connection to. You know what connection I mean, right? There's just something about her that inexplicably draws you to her. But the question is, is she drawn to you? You never freaking know. Chances are, probably not.

    And it would be strange, unnatural, to approach a girl out of nowhere, with little to no situational context, and show her you're interested. The only places where this unwarranted and random interaction really work are places like bars and clubs, where people go and want, expect this to happen. But in a more calm setting? On your way to class? In the hallway? It's weird. There's no basis, and the girl (unless she has that connection to you as well, though usually they don't; girls need a reason to like you, usually) won't reciprocate the feeling.

    But you and her share something already, and that's the class you tutor. This is context. You can approach her - don't be weird about it, don't cramp your own style, or try to project your "best self" as people can usually clearly see through it - approach her and help her normally, with your normal tones and advice, at a normal eyebrow-raisedness. The more you interact, the stronger your friendly foundation and, hopefully, that relationship you want to foster with her will become significantly more likely to blossom.

    So, in essence, just be yourself and aid her when she needs it. You could even go out of your way a bit to make sure you're interacting with her more than other people do. Create that context, so she gets to know you, and you get to know her (and really decide if she's worth pursing after all.)

    edit: and once you guys build that initial basis through the classroom, add her on facebook, IM her from there, then ask for that oh-so-sweet cell number. But only do this when you're sure she's comfortable with talking to someone she feels is more of an acquaintance than just a classroom tutor.

    Like I said, if this advice isn't good enough or if you want more, the aforementioned website's got the gambit of people who are pretty pro at being awesome with advice.
  3. ShadowXIV Bookmaster

    Gotcha, well thanks for the reply anyway. Didn't realize so much had changed here! Dunno how to delete this thread, but that'd be cool if at all possible

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